We're at the stage in life where hangovers can be pretty terrifying. Unfortunately with each one we've started to recognise a pattern and it normally goes something like this...
That split second when you wake up from the morning after and have to recall your behaviour and the fear sets in.
Whether it was the drunken squabble with your mates, telling the taxi driver he's taking the piss (and drawing a penis on the window condensation) your perfectly acceptable distress that McDonalds aren't offering the full menu the anxiety doesn't help the sore head.
Got drunk and stamped your feet because the DJ wasn't playing Rihanna? We've (HR's) been there and it's totally ok.
You count your way back through the drinks. You were drinking white wine and then moved onto vodka. But don't forget about that tequila. Wasn't there two?
No matter how many times you brush your teeth your mouth still tastes like ass. No amount of water helps. And your toothpaste tastes like that flaming sambuca. Vom.
Piecing together the night. Finding out you went to more bars than you initially thought.
Wondering who those guys are who you seemed to be best mates with about 10 hours ago.
Panic checking your handbag for cards, phone and items of makeup. Thanking your stars when you realise you haven't lost anything.
A real 'win' is finding any value of note/s. Until you find all those receipts for the rounds you bought on your card.
Checking what calls/texts you've sent. They definitely made sense at the time.
Things that are acceptable on a hangover:
Waking up and shouting 'water...water' to anyone that will listen. If you're lucky someone brave soul will rescue you.
Staying in your pjs all day. It's perfectly acceptable to sit and fester on the sofa. Get ready for what, my hangover?
Finding a slave who will pass you the remote when it's just out of reach because life is just SO hard.
Eating everything in sight. Your diet doesn't count today. It's also totally acceptable to pathetically crush goodies into your mouth whilst horizontal.
Replacing water with cans of full fat coke. You need the sugar and the caffeine proves to be mega helpful.
Crying at all the TV. Yes, that TV advert where the cookie person loses his head IS really sad.
Not washing your hair/face/self - you're disgusting enough anyway, why torture yourself with a hangover hair wash.
Swearing off alcohol for the rest of your life, before continuously checking the pics on your phone to remind yourself that it was totally worth it.
Ordering pizza for breakfast.