Start a 'new' healthy regime every Sunday? Us too. Here's how it normally goes...
1. You psych yourself with motivational phrases and convince yourself that this time it's for good.
2. You login to your Amazon account and order the latest detox/clean eating/health/this is going to change your life books of the moment. Spend a small fortune in the process.
3. Read the Amazon reviews of said books and the 'I don't know where I'd be without (insert author here), this book helped me lose 4 stone and I have SO much more energy' comments and further convince yourself that this time it's it.
4. Go to Waitrose and fill your basket with Quinoa, Kale, Almonds, flaxseed, almond milk, coconut water, Courgettes, sweet potato and blueberries. Spend about £80 in the process.
5. Head home and prep nutritious lunches for the week ahead. Realise you need more Tupperware.
6. Wake up on Monday feeling enthusiastic and ready to go.
7. Feel smug and satisfied while eating your advocado on Rye Toast.
8. Spend so long making/eating said breakfast that you miss the train. Console yourself with a soy latte - they're healthy right?!
9. Feel a little bit jealous of everyone tucking into their elevenses at work. Remind yourself that Almonds have anti ageing properties.
10. Get to lunchtime and feel virtuous for tucking into your salad with steamed chicken and seeds.
11. Realise that steamed chicken tastes horrendous and that green leaves aren't particularly satisfying either.
12. Smother it in dressing 'cos salad with dressing is still better than bread. ..it must be?!
13. Head out to buy Tupperware - how are you ever going to succeed without it?!
14. Get dragged into afternoon meeting with lots of important people talking about lots of boring things. Try to stop yourself from noticing how good those chocolate digestives look.
15. Have a chocolate digestive.
16. Spend rest of meeting beating yourself up. How can you have fallen at the first hurdle?!
17. Leave work late and miss the start of that spin class you signed up for. Decide not to go 'cos you don't want to be that girl who walks in late and spends ages setting up her bike.
18. Stop by M & S to pick up dinner instead. Decide that, as you've fallen off the wagon already today, you may as well have something with cheese. And chips.
19. Come to the decision you might as well get pudding too.
20. And maybe a bottle of wine. If you're going to fall off the wagon, you might as well do it properly.
21. Get home, consume the lot and convince yourself that it's out of your system now. Tomorrow will be different.
22. Wake up late. Dash out the door and grab an almond croissant for breakfast en route to work.
23. Decide this week's a right off. Might as well start afresh on Sunday, after all, nobody starts a new regime on a Tuesday! Plus, you're meeting the girls at Pizza Express later and you can't miss out on the dough balls. Nope, you'll enjoy the rest of this week and start properly next week. For sure this time.
24. Get to following week and repeat steps 1 - 22.
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