There is no denying it, periods make women bat shit crazy (ok, crazier) but is it just our hormones that make us insane? Some people believe that moon cycles can cause changes in human behaviour. People have investigated correlations between lunar cycles and strange events like an increased number of hospital admissions, suicides and road traffic accidents to name a few. It is also believed that you have a higher chance of conceiving if your cycle is algined with the moon. If the moon rules the waves, maybe it can affect us too. After all we are 60% water.
Today really is Freaky Friday, with the solar eclipse, supermoon and spring equinox all coming into play. So if you're like me and feeling that extra bit crazy this month, we can turn into werewolves together (or empathise over the stages of crazy during our cycles).
The week before your period: Edging into hormonal territory
The whole world is WRONG. And it's not you (definitely not you). You're feeling particularly aggressive but you probably haven't realised why.
Things to avoid: getting into debates, truth is you are going to be slightly irrational (please don't thump me). Also try not to discuss any hot topics with your partner either. They are not going to understand your anger or indecision over what to eat for dinner.
Warning: some guys will think it is funny to wind up their partner during this time. On their head be it if they utter the words 'it's just because your hormonal'.
The couple of days before impact: Full blown PMS
You're fully aware of your impending period and brimming with hormonal agro. You have absolutely zero regard for any one who gets in your way, how ever irrational it may be. You'll have at least three of the following symptoms: bloating, back ache, tiredness, headache, pale skin, cramping, sore boobs. You may also feel pretty horny, but you'll be too annoyed at your partner to initiate sex.
Things to avoid: Trying on clothes. You are carrying 4lbs of water weight and your boobs are poking over your bra, what makes you think this is the best time to try on a body con dress? And if you are brave enough to make a purchase do not ask for an opinion (especially a partners) NO ANSWER will be good enough. More specifically you should avoid everyone and everything. You have our permission to find a dark room or a vat of wine. Also, ditch the diet, you'll only anger the beast.
Hallelujah: She arrives
Well done, you are not pregnant! Now the anger can start to subside and you can wallow in self pity.
No matter how many tampax or pads you posess, you'll never have it on you when you need it. Add that box to the other five in your bathroom.
You'll suffer in silence at work with the hope someone will offer you some sympathy or at least a bar of chocolate.
Things to avoid: Exercise. 'It's good for your cramps' they said. Well, they lied.
There she goes: the end is upon us
Your period has nearly gone. Now you just need to play the little game of do I need one more tampax/pad? You will always lose.
Things to avoid: Your period may be over but don't get too over zealous, stick to laundry day pants. You may also be less angry and more suitably horny but your boyfriend probably hasn't forgiven you for your hormonal outbursts.
Your PMS & Period during a full moon/Supermoon/Eclipse
Times all of the above by 100.
Things to avoid: Prison.
If any of your friends proclaim that they don't suffer from PMS you can tell them from us...