Unfriended: the social detox pt 2
Recap: At the end of last year I made a pact with myself to be more positive and to put more energy into the things/people who matter the most. I thought it was about time I banished all of the toxic influences in my life or past by assessing my friend situation online and in real life.
So it's easy or easier to hit the unfriend button on Facebook, but what about terminating friendships in 'real life?'
Time is precious. Weekends are particularly fleeting. So in between my relationship,work, family, trying to exercise and keeping my house in order who should I spend the rest of my time with?
I am very blessed with my friends. The school friends who will carry my secrets to the grave and never judge. The friends who are always ready for 'one more drink'. The ones who support me at races, or even run (plod) them with me. The friends who know when you need to moan/cry/be hormonal. I'd like to think I'm equally as supportive back (maybe with a dash of sarky humour). But what about the people who don't put as much effort in as I do. I've attempted to list the type of toxic friendships I'm trying to avoid.
The friend who never reassures you
This is the type of friend who doesn't give you any support. It doesn't matter if you've just laid out your deepest darkest fears or just wanted some reassurance on a situation they either brush you off or turn the conversation back to them.
I am super sensitive, if I open myself up to someone it means I want some feedback. I want honesty, no matter how brutal.
What I need to do: realise that these friends aren't worth it. L'oreal, bitches.
The friend who always expects you to come to them or flakes at the last minute
They can never make your party. You always find yourself going to theirs. Not only that but you are normally the one organising every event. AND when they do eventually agree to come, they flake at the last minute.
I like to think I'm a person who will make social gatherings. I hate letting people down and I can't stand flakers. (I'm also likely to make your party because I'm a massive FOMO).
What I need to do: hmmm...My sofa sounds pretty comfortable Saturday night (frigging lay on it).
The friend who loves emotional manipulation
This is the friend who loves to toy with your emotions. They know just what to say/do to make you feel guilty for not saying/doing what they want.
Being susceptible to other people's emotions and being a people pleaser is a recipe for constant emotional manipulation.
What I need to do: Wise up, fool
The friend who loves to compete
They've just got a company car/massive pay rise/bought a house or all three. They go to all the best bars/clubs/restaurants. Their Instagram feed is impeccable. Every Facebook photo is full of bliss and they want you to know that they are much happier than you.
Give me a game or app to beat you at, I will...but when it comes to happiness it's not a competition.
What I need to do: cut em loose and don't give them any topics to play trumps on.
The friend that doesn't want to be your friend any more
For some reason you guys don't hang out any more and even though nothing has happened they try to avoid you.
I find it really hard to let go when I've invested time in a friendship. All those years, the cocktails, the Facebook photos, the what's app groups. These are the emotions I struggle with the most. Nostalgia's a bitch *Takes rose tinted specs off, squints*
What I need to do: stop wasting my energy and emotions on people that don't want/need them and accept that they have let go for a reason. Also come to terms with the fact you'll never really know why and you might not have the guts to ask.
It is hard, but I feel I'm making steps to get rid of toxic influences in my life and focusing my energy on those who matter.
Remember 'you've got to burn the dead wood for the forest to flourish'. Onwards and upwards.
If you missed pt 1 read it here